Toddler is 22 months, I'm 17 weeks pregnant, milk has almost gone and he still wants to feed. Is that okay?

Some of you saw my thread in August about my mother in law and "it takes from the baby". Update, and a new question.

I'm 17 weeks with number three, midwife is happy, everything on track. Toddler is 22 months and still feeds morning and bedtime. But my milk has more or less dried up. I can barely hand express a drop and he's started pulling off and saying "empty" which would be funny if it didn't make me want to cry.

And he still wants to go on. Not for milk I think, for the cuddle. Some feeds I'm fine and some feeds my skin crawls and I want him OFF, which I feel awful about.

Two questions. Is it pointless feeding when there's barely any milk? And is the crawling skin thing normal or am I a terrible mother?

Not a terrible mother. My sister described exactly the crawling skin thing feeding through pregnancy, she said it had a name, nursing aversion, and it was hormonal, not about how much she loved her daughter. She cut feeds down to bedtime only and counted to twenty, and it was more bearable when it had an end point.

He says EMPTY. I'm sorry but I laughed out loud. Clever boy.

Mine kept feeding for comfort long after there wasn't much milk, it was more like a two minute hug ritual than a feed. If it works for both of you it's not pointless.

Gemma, both of those are very common in pregnancy, and neither means you are doing anything wrong.

Milk supply often drops a long way during pregnancy because of the hormonal changes, whatever you do, and for many people that drop comes partway through. It is not a sign the toddler has taken anything, and at 22 months he is getting his nutrition from food. Feeding with very little milk is not pointless if you both want it. For many toddlers it is about comfort, closeness and routine as much as milk, and that has value. Some toddlers wean themselves at this stage because they dislike the change in taste or flow; others carry on happily, and some go on to feed alongside the new baby.

The skin crawling feeling is nursing aversion, and it is widely reported in pregnancy. It is often put down to the hormonal changes of pregnancy, and it is not a judgement on your bond. It is completely fine to set limits because of it: fewer feeds, shorter feeds, counting down, feeding only in one place. Limits are not cruelty and they are not the same as weaning unless you want them to be. If you decide you want to stop, a gradual approach is usually gentlest for both of you.

Our new piece on breastfeeding a toddler covers limits and the comments you'll keep getting, and breastfeeding while pregnant covers supply, aversion and tandem feeding. Keep your midwife in the loop as you go, especially if anything feels different in the pregnancy.

Megan Foster said:

Limits are not cruelty and they are not the same as weaning unless you want them to be.

Needed to hear that, thank you. We've gone to bedtime only, I sing one verse of his song and when it ends, the feed ends. He accepted it after two grumpy nights.

Skin crawling is much better with an end point, Jess's sister was right. We'll see if he's still asking by February. If he is, apparently I'm feeding two, God help me.