Pregnant again and my mother in law has told everyone I have to wean the toddler this week

Number three. Seven weeks, nobody outside the house knows except, as of Sunday lunch, my mother in law, who worked it out from me refusing wine and then announced across the table that I would obviously have to stop feeding the little one immediately because it "takes from the baby".

He's 20 months. He feeds morning, bedtime, and any time he falls over. It's honestly more cuddle than milk at this point and I'd assumed we'd drift out of it over the winter rather than stopping in a week because of a lunch.

Two things I actually want to know. Is there anything in what she said, and is it true it can bring on a miscarriage. And separately, I did not expect this bit, feeding him has become AGONY overnight. My nipples have never hurt like this, not even in the early days with my first, and his latch has not changed at all. Is that a pregnancy thing or have I got something wrong with me.

Congratulations, and the pain thing is a pregnancy thing. My sister fed through a pregnancy and said the first trimester was the worst nipple pain of either of her feeding years, hormonal, nothing to do with latch. Hers eased in the second trimester. She also said her supply fell off a cliff around four months and her toddler complained that the milk had "gone funny", which apparently it does.

No idea on the safety question, that's one for an actual midwife, but "takes from the baby" said across a Sunday lunch is not evidence of anything.

The one thing I'd say is ask your own midwife rather than us, and ask specifically, because I think the answer genuinely depends on your history rather than being one rule for everyone. My friend was told to carry on without a second thought. Another was asked to stop, but she had had a very early baby the time before.

Also, you are allowed to stop because it hurts. You don't need a medical reason on top. Everyone in this conversation is arguing about safety and nobody has mentioned that agony twice a day is its own reason.

Slightly disagree with the framing that it has to be all or nothing this week. Could you cut to just the bedtime one? Losing the morning feed and the falling-over feeds would take most of the pain out and he'd still get the bit he actually cares about. That's what my cousin did through her second pregnancy and she carried the bedtime feed right through.

Gemma, congratulations. Taking the two questions in order, and with the caveat that everything below is general and your midwife's answer for you outranks all of it.

On safety: for most healthy, uncomplicated pregnancies, continuing to feed an older child is generally considered compatible with being pregnant, and the guidance on feeding into the second year does not carve out an exception for pregnancy. The worry about miscarriage comes from oxytocin, the hormone released during a feed and also involved in labour contractions. For most of pregnancy the uterus is relatively unresponsive to it, and mild tightenings during a feed are usually harmless. What changes that picture is your own history: a previous preterm birth or late loss, bleeding or uterine pain in this pregnancy, a placental issue being monitored, multiples, or concerns about your own weight and nutrition are all reasons to have a specific conversation rather than assume. That is a question for your midwife or obstetrician at your booking appointment, and Priya is right that the honest answer is that it depends on you.

On the pain: Jess has it. Nipple tenderness is a very common early pregnancy symptom on its own, and feeding on top of it is genuinely hard to tolerate. It is hormonal, not a latch failure, which is why nothing you change seems to help. Expect a marked supply drop later on too, and the milk gradually turning back to colostrum in the second half of pregnancy, which is why toddlers announce that it tastes different. Plenty wean themselves at that point and plenty carry on regardless. All of that, plus what tandem feeding actually looks like afterwards, is in breastfeeding while pregnant.

And Becky's suggestion is a good one that gets overlooked: cutting back to one feed is a real option, not a cop-out. If you do decide to stop altogether, drop one feed at a time and give each change a few days, watching for firm tender patches while your body adjusts, as in stopping breastfeeding.

What I would not do is make this decision inside somebody else's opinion. Get the medical answer from your own midwife, then decide the rest on how it actually feels to you.

Booking appointment is not until the 9th so no answer on the safety question yet, which is annoying but at least I now know what to ask and I've written it down so I don't lose my nerve.

In the meantime I've done Becky's version by accident more than design. Dropped the morning feed, which he objected to for two days and has now forgotten about, kept bedtime. Falling-over feeds have become raisins, with mixed reviews. Pain is still there at bedtime but ten seconds of gritting my teeth twice a day is survivable in a way that four feeds was not.

Honestly not sure whether I'm heading for weaning or for tandem feeding. Ask me in a month.